I'm linking up to 5 Minute Fridays, a weekly writing prompt shared among all bloggers who participate. This week's theme is graceful. You can find out all about it here.
Words from a wise friend who has graduated one kiddo and has long since left the world of diapers and naptime. None of her children run around naked (as my oldest is still apt to do) and they are all wonderfully helpful, giving people.
So there's comfort in that it took her three years to find her bearings before figuring out how to raise these wonderful humans.
But. I'm terrified.
In a few weeks there will be a cake--carrot cake with Bambi on top, as requested--with three candles on it.
Three candles. And I still feel so often like I'm drowning.
I feel like the "rhythm" we have is not enough because it revolves around nursing, meals, and sleep. Tuesday and Thursday mornings we go out on the town so I don't lose my mind...but we still end up at Costco once a week so eyes and minds can wander among the abundant space that isn't this apartment. And for the cheap pizza (also, they've switched to Pepsi products in the food court which makes it all the more tempting to load 'em up and head on out).
Our days don't have lesson plans or consistent hair grooming or objectives or neatly scrubbed floors that were once a part of our life and it makes me forever second guess my ability as a mother.
But there is hope, and I will cling to it: there is more sleep at night. There is less crying. There is more consistent memory work at breakfast, Scripture washed down with milk and hidden in little hearts. Everyone is fed and held and given the gift of sleep baby sleep.
For now, that is all the rhythm we need, no matter how much more I want.