Coming Up Short

{I started this post 11/29, which explains why I was still writing about finishing NaNo.  For the record, I did reach 50K.  It wasn't pretty and a lot of it will be scrapped, but I made it.}

Tomorrow is the last day of NaNo. I'm behind in my wordcount; by tomorrow night, I need another 8,000ish words.  Doable...except for one minor detail.

I've run out of story.

I have one more chapter in my outline and thought of one I'd like to write to insert back toward the beginning, but otherwise I've got nothing!  I even wrote an epilogue to fill up word space--I hate it and will certainly delete it later, but for now it's 1,000 words!

So, I've been praying about my story and asking God to fill in where I've come short.

And He offers a world of parallels...

I had to go back to the dentist for a financial consultation--never a good sign.  The damage is workable, but that appointment and other recent events made my financial worry radar leap into high gear.  And I realized...I put a lot of stock in money.  In my savings account.  In my ability to squirrel funds away for a rainy day--all to the point that I was putting more faith in my money than I was in God to provide.

So, I've been praying about my trust issues around money and asking God to fill in where I've come short.

I worked in the church nursery one Sunday, which is usually pretty tame.  Unfortunately, a little girl cried the entire time, and I found myself smugly thinking, "Boy, I'm glad my kid doesn't do that."

The next night at a fellowship dinner, a boy came from the nursery calling out that my daughter was...crying.  The girls working in the nursery looked exhausted.

Ahem.

Smugness never prospers...So, I've been praying about my pride and asking God to fill in where I've come short.

That little girl in the nursery (and another kid) was sick, which means, of course, that my family got sick a few days later.  My red nose puts Rudolph to shame.  I emailed my mother and I'm not sure I used full sentences.  I've snapped at my daughter and wanted to cry as I watch my husband stuck doing the dishes...again.

I'm human and I'm ailing; I'm bound to come up short.  So in this time of tissues and Gatorade and Netflix and hacking coughs and hearing Pookie throw up at 2AM which leads to chaotic laundry/bath/changing/soothing midnight pandemonium.

I need grace because I come up short.
I need grace because I'm not perfect.
I need Jesus because I'm not perfect.

So here's to being on the mend...and Gatorade.

Hating the Word "Religious"

Some words just clang against my ears, like a singer way off pitch or feedback from a microphone.

Being called "religious" is one of those words.

courtesy of dictionary.reference.com

I used to be religious.  I used to be concerned with "exhibiting religion," showing others that I followed the rules and regulations and traditions of my church.

And then I met Jesus.  And Jesus wasn't religious.

Then the disciples of John came to him, saying, "Why do we and the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?" Matthew 9:14

Then Pharisees and scribes came to Jesus from Jerusalem and said, "Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat." Matthew 15:1-2

But when the Pharisees saw it, they said to him, "Look, your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath." Matthew 12:2

 The religious Pharisees didn't like what Jesus was doing and He didn't bend to their will.

For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. John 6:38

Jesus did not come to pursue religion; He came to pursue the will of the Father, to do what the Father asked of Him.


So what does the father ask of us?


And he answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself." Luke 10:27

Don't get lost in pursuing "religion"; pursue God, pursue loving your neighbors--that is, everyone you meet: your spouse, your kids, your family, your friends, the cashier at the grocery store, even your literal neighbors.

Love them because you are loved beyond measure, not to check something off a religious to-do list.

What about you?  Does the term "religious" bother you?

Scared like Moses

The morning I posted Regardless to Nook and Kindle, I was so anxious I took Pookie out thrift store shopping to take my mind off my impending publication.  A vintage tea cup and a diaper change later, it was naptime and I found myself glued to the computer for updates.

My book had gone live on Kindle.  As in, people could buy it.  But would anybody?  Would it sit, unwanted and rejected, making me look foolish?  Worse, would people buy it and hate it, demand their money back (possible) and their time (impossible)?

 photo source

Steady breath.  Step back.

Remember all those prayers on bended knee?  Husband at side, praying "God's will be done"?  Who is this about, anyway?

Not me.

I think of Moses.  Moses was scared, maybe even heart-palpitating, close-to-vomiting scared like me.

Then Moses answered, "But behold, they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they will say, 'The LORD did not appear to you.'" Exodus 4:1

Then God turned Moses' staff into a serpent.  He promised to be with Moses the whole way.  And Moses had just watched a bush burn without crumbling.  Wasn't that enough proof that God was with him?

But Moses said to the LORD, "Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue." Exodus 4:10

Moses has another excuse: I'm not good enough.  I can't do it.

Moses is missing here the word I miss when I rely on myself: I can't do it alone.  I want to, I want to rely on me, myself, and I, but I can't.

And I shouldn't.

None of us can do whatever it is we were called to do alone.  We must rely on God daily for grace and strength and growth and death of self.  Because only when we die to ourselves--our fears, our desires, our sins--can we see and do what the Lord has for us.

We know the rest of Moses' story, that he accomplished what God called him to...but he didn't do it alone.

What have you been trying to do alone?