Thursday, May 7, 2015

On Finding Worth


Life has been good in Little Rock.  The girls play together extraordinarily well (mostly), we live in a safe and beautiful neighborhood, we've found a good church, I have friends from the park and MOPS, Professor is plugging away at his research, Champ is growing well, I'm bringing in a nice chunk of change each month for our savings account...

Until I'm not.

Hi Reviewers,
As you know, we have fewer answers available recently than we have in the past. I’ve received a lot of questions about this...
While we are decreasing the number of answers we produce for the time being, the project is not ending any time soon. We will continue producing answers for the foreseeable future.
However, we will continue to have fewer answers available for review each week than we have in the past...It is possible we will increase production again at some point in the future, but to the best our knowledge, we will be maintaining a lower answer inventory for the next several months at least.

This should not have shaken me; God has always provided for us--even in that year our income was lower than the standard deduction.  (In case you're curious, when that happens, they take pity on you and give you your tax money back with a "Better luck next time!" card.  Or maybe without the card; it's hard to remember.)

But still, I found myself panicking.  And worrying.  And plotting.  And assuming every moment of silent from my pretty-introverted-and-quiet husband was borne out of disappointment.  "Who am I and how am I contributing to this family if I can't even save the money we need for a minivan?"

And I felt that tap-tap of the Spirit on my shoulder.  What is your identity?  Who is it in?  Sigh.  My identity is not in my ability to edit web content and add to the family coffers, though that is part of who I am.  

My identity used to be my problem, but when I cast my lot with Jesus, it became His.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
Colossians 3:1-3 (emphasis mine)

I cannot serve God and money.  I can continue to pursue the projects He has put before me, but there is a lot on my plate with no financial incentives: three children to raise in the faith, a husband to love and serve beside, new friends to fellowship with and love on, family back home to encourage.  I have value beyond my paycheck and in ways that will last beyond a vehicle or anything else that can be purchased.

And do you know what happened not five minutes after I stopped worrying (or at least took a break) and prayed instead?  I received a work offer from a former client.  Sure, it was only a quick, $5 job, but it was still a reminder that God provides the work--not me.
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