Friday, June 21, 2013

FMF: Rhythm

Five Minute Friday

I'm linking up to 5 Minute Fridays, a weekly writing prompt shared among all bloggers who participate.  This week's theme is graceful.  You can find out all about it here.


"It took me about three years to get the mothering thing down, to find my rhythm."

Words from a wise friend who has graduated one kiddo and has long since left the world of diapers and naptime.  None of her children run around naked (as my oldest is still apt to do) and they are all wonderfully helpful, giving people.

So there's comfort in that it took her three years to find her bearings before figuring out how to raise these wonderful humans.

But.  I'm terrified.

In a few weeks there will be a cake--carrot cake with Bambi on top, as requested--with three candles on it.

Three candles.  And I still feel so often like I'm drowning.

I feel like the "rhythm" we have is not enough because it revolves around nursing, meals, and sleep.  Tuesday and Thursday mornings we go out on the town so I don't lose my mind...but we still end up at Costco once a week so eyes and minds can wander among the abundant space that isn't this apartment.  And for the cheap pizza (also, they've switched to Pepsi products in the food court which makes it all the more tempting to load 'em up and head on out).

Our days don't have lesson plans or consistent hair grooming or objectives or neatly scrubbed floors that were once a part of our life and it makes me forever second guess my ability as a mother.

But there is hope, and I will cling to it: there is more sleep at night.  There is less crying.  There is more consistent memory work at breakfast, Scripture washed down with milk and hidden in little hearts.  Everyone is fed and held and given the gift of sleep baby sleep.

For now, that is all the rhythm we need, no matter how much more I want.


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

On big-girl friendship


When I was growing up, I bet I spent just as many nights sleeping over at friends' houses as I did in my own bed.  My closest friend and I would go back and forth between each other's houses, staying until that set of parents wanted a break...then we'd move onto the next place.

Back then friendship was as easy as laughing at infomercials at 3 in the morning and not even knowing why.

But then I grew up.

I met all sorts of people in college and really enjoyed them...but I never had money to go out.  So I missed out on a lot of the social scene.

Then we got married and moved, and I started working at an elementary school...but the women there were older, farther along, not too interested in socializing.

We joined a church full of wonderful, godly, inspiring women.  And I love them all to pieces...but they're busy.

And grown-up friendship just isn't the same.  I'm still not quite used to it.

I know that with little people who need my everything that there isn't really time to bum around laughing at infomercials, nor would anyone in my household appreciate my mood the next day if I stayed up until three in the morning.

Still, I find it hard to let go of the familiarity and ease of those sleepover days.  I mourn that connection takes so much work and that "work" in my current stage of life (read: babies) crowds out so much.

But I am beginning to glimpse what big-girl friendship looks like.

Big-girl friendship is a ride to Bible study when your spouse needs the car.

Big-girl friendship is holding somebody else's screaming baby.

Big-girl friendship is "I've been there" when you talk about crying over the dishes.

Big-girl friendship is a card in the mail just to say "hi" when it's impossible to find the time but you still can't get somebody off of your heart.

Big-girl friendship bakes mountains of cupcakes and fixes oodles of sandwiches for birthday/graduation/baptism/recital/occasion with a smile and "what else can I do?" 

Big-girl friendship gives ample grace even in small doses of time.

Big-girl friendship says, "You are enough because He is."


And while big-girl friendship isn't as flashy or loud or (to be totally honest) rip-roaring fun as little-girl friendship, it's much more sustaining.

To all my little-girl friends scattered in this great big world, I miss you.

To all my big-girl friends (present and future), thank you.

How would you define grown-up friendship?
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