Thursday, January 2, 2014

Resolutions for my crabby children in 2014

Have I mentioned that 2013 was not my favorite year?  Yes, we had a lovely, cuddly baby around.  Yes, we had a fun-loving 3-year-old.  Yes, we even got to go on a trip (without them!).

But in truth?  2013 was a hard, hard year.  That cuddly baby wasn't thrilled with transitioning to life outside the womb and wasn't afraid to show it.  The spunky toddler laid us flat most days.  And the amount of crying in this house would have solved the entire world's water supply problems, given a good enough filter.

Oh, and there are elephants living above us.  So that's helpful.

Needless to say, we are eager for 2014, looking so fresh and new and full of promise.  So, dear daughters, as you are too young to plan out self-improvement programs for yourselves, I took the liberty of drawing a little something-something up for you...


  • Stop acting like you're fourteen.  We'll get there someday, and you can slam doors and talk back to your heart's content.  But for now, why don't you stick to princesses and make-believe, hmm?
  • Enough with the angry face.  Brave is your favorite movie; Merida tromps around with an angry face because she's mad at her mom.  We get it...and we're over it.  Good luck making friends when your face is stuck like that--because that's what happens to kids who make faces all the time.  Totally true.
  • Rediscover your ears.  Oh my gosh, what happened here?  What's with the blank stares
  • Grow a butt.  In addition to the ears...what happened here?!  How do your pants stay up?  They're all six inches too short now (hello thrift store shopping in your near future...), but I don't dare buy bigger ones because there's nothing to hold them up!

  • Buck up against the pain.  Teething happens.  Bonking your head happens, especially when you climb things you're not supposed to climb.  Sure, crying's part of being a baby, but when you get that smug look on your face after you've been comforted for the umpteenth time this evening?  Even Mama knows she's been played like a sucker.  We're onto you, little one.
  • Stop being allergic to everything.  Tall order?  Yes, but you're a smart cookie; good luck.  I promise, if you stop it with this allergy silliness, there is all manner of yum in your future.
  • Don't be that crazy-tantrum-meltdown kid.  I can see the train a-comin' on that phase in your life, and trust me: nobody likes that kid.  More to the point, nobody likes that kid's mom, so let's just stop before it becomes a thing.

Jorgenson children:
  • Stop being so cute in public.  It's like we live in that cartoon where the frog sings and dances, but only in front of that one guy.  YOUR PAPA AND I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT ONE GUY.
  • Stop doing cute things at home.  It makes it hard to remember that you're the enemy.
  • Stop saying that you love us, that you love my cooking, that you love...well, shoot.  Now I've forgotten what I was mad about.  How do you two always manage to do that to me, anyway?
I love you girls {and Professor}'s to a healthier, happier 2014!

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