Sunday, June 1, 2014

How have I not mentioned my wake-up call from the DEA?


The brou-ha-ha surrounding the TV show Breaking Bad has died down a bit since it ended a few months ago, but if you aren't familiar with it, it's a show about a high school chem teacher who develops cancer and, facing steep bills for chemo, starts making and selling meth.  Even when he turns out to be cancer-free, he continues in the drug trade because he enjoys it.

I'm squeamish and we have high standards, so Professor and I only made it through a few episodes on Netflix before we abandoned the show.

A short time later, I read an article about a new method for making meth: it's new, it's portable, it's...meth you can make anywhere!  With a new, easier process, you can make meth in a bathroom!  A closet!  The trunk of your car!

I became fully convinced that every unsavory character on my at-times-unsavory street was making meth.  And maybe even some of the not-unsavory ones, because, hey, if a high school chemistry teacher is doing it...

One morning a while back, Zaboo woke up at 5am.  I quickly grabbed her and put her in our bed so that she didn't wake up her sister.  She talked, giggled, tried to shove her pacifier in my mouth, then fell into a deep, snore-filled sleep.1  I lay on my sliver of bed (why do babies hog all the room?), debating whether or not I should get up.

I didn't hear the door to our building open, but I heard some footsteps going up the stairs--not uncommon as our neighbors think "noise ordinances" exist in much the way unicorns do.


That definitely was uncommon.  And not at all pertaining to unicorns.

It was definitely time for me to get up.  I snuck to the living room and barely lifted one blind, just enough to peek out and play Nosy Neighbor.

Waaaaaay off to the left in front of my garage was a regular, local police SUV and two uniformed officers.  An unmarked car pulled up silently in front of my door, a plainclothes officer2 at the wheel.

These dudes were stealthy.

While taking in the rather boring goings-on outside, I half-expected to hear a Cops-worthy fight ensue overhead: swearing, throwing things, plates crashing into walls.  Instead, I heard (much louder) steps down and out the front door.

Through my slit in the blinds, I saw one-two-three-four DEA officers in full body armor escorting my neighbor to the unmarked car.  He was handcuffed and cooperative.  Honestly, the longest part of the procedure was watching all of the DEA guys pile into the clown car/Flying Ford Anglia from Harry Potter (only way to explain cramming them all in).

So, my first drug bust was kind of a dud.  Hardly noteworthy.  Later, I found out it was about cocaine dealing and this wasn't the guy's first arrest; we just happened to be traveling the first time around (though that one, I guess, was even less interesting because it was just regular ol' cops).

I never saw it coming.  Nice guy.  Always polite.  Our kids play together sometimes.  He even lent me baking powder when I was in the middle of making a cake and had no time to run to the store.


At least I think it was baking powder...

1 My husband insists they get this from me because he doesn't snore.  I'm certain it's just one of those traits that skips a generation.  I certainly don't snore.  I never spent an entire night at camp thinking, "Gosh, whoever's snoring is driving me crazy," only to be told in the morning that I was the culprit.  Nope, that never happened.  Not once.
2 But really I can only assume that, can't I?  Maybe the DEA doesn't have much of an office 'round these parts and they just hired some rando.  Still, I like to think it was a highly trained ninja type who could have stopped a perp with his pinkie if need be.

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