Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Scared like Moses

The morning I posted Regardless to Nook and Kindle, I was so anxious I took Pookie out thrift store shopping to take my mind off my impending publication.  A vintage tea cup and a diaper change later, it was naptime and I found myself glued to the computer for updates.

My book had gone live on Kindle.  As in, people could buy it.  But would anybody?  Would it sit, unwanted and rejected, making me look foolish?  Worse, would people buy it and hate it, demand their money back (possible) and their time (impossible)?

Steady breath.  Step back.

Remember all those prayers on bended knee?  Husband at side, praying "God's will be done"?  Who is this about, anyway?

Not me.

I think of Moses.  Moses was scared, maybe even heart-palpitating, close-to-vomiting scared like me.

Then Moses answered, "But behold, they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they will say, 'The LORD did not appear to you.'" Exodus 4:1

Then God turned Moses' staff into a serpent.  He promised to be with Moses the whole way.  And Moses had just watched a bush burn without crumbling.  Wasn't that enough proof that God was with him?

But Moses said to the LORD, "Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue." Exodus 4:10

Moses has another excuse: I'm not good enough.  I can't do it.

Moses is missing here the word I miss when I rely on myself: I can't do it alone.  I want to, I want to rely on me, myself, and I, but I can't.

And I shouldn't.

None of us can do whatever it is we were called to do alone.  We must rely on God daily for grace and strength and growth and death of self.  Because only when we die to ourselves--our fears, our desires, our sins--can we see and do what the Lord has for us.

We know the rest of Moses' story, that he accomplished what God called him to...but he didn't do it alone.

What have you been trying to do alone?

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