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It's back: house envy.
I go through bouts of severe house envy from time to time; after ten days back home where everybody owns their own place, it was bound to set in. Add in the fact that a younger cousin of mine just bought a house (a government-owned foreclosure selling for next to nothing), and my green-eyed monster has me sulking.
Owning a home makes no sense for us now (we'll certainly be moving when the Professor finishes his PhD), but...oh how we long for a place of our own, grass to dig our toes into and claim, walls to paint, maintenance to do. All of our daydream conversations revolve around our "someday" farm and property; sometimes it just feels so far away that it might never happen.
But God knew I would have this struggle. That's why he sent my Indian friend, P, for a visit before my trip.
She gasped when she crossed the threshold, and it took her a full minute before she said anything.
"Your home is so beautiful." She said it over and over again, wide-eyed and open-mouthed as I gave her the 30 second tour of our 750 square feet. P noticed every picture on the wall, every knick knack (impressive as there aren't many...clutter makes me crazy), every touch I had added to hide the fact that our walls and carpet are bland, builder beige.
Our daughters got down to playing, swapping baby dolls and smiling shyly at one another. I asked P about this and that, and while she answered my questions, she wasn't fully engaged in the conversation. She was luxuriating in the splendor of my apartment.And so, even while I long for colorful walls and a real washing machine, I am trying harder to be content and to praise God for what he has given me.
A larger-than-your-average-apartment kitchen.
Space in the closet for a portable washing machine.
Nice living room furniture, a wedding gift.
The most comfortable bed.
The space and ability to hang our favorite art and photos.
A just-the-right-size bathroom.
Shelves full of books.
Sufficient closet space.
Uncluttered (mostly) surfaces that make the whole place look bigger.
A garage for our rather needy car. (And a car at all!)
A family to love, serve, and live for.
And for God Himself, who is there no matter my housing situation.
If I can put aside my envy at what others have and enjoy what He has been faithful to give me in the here and now...then anything bigger/nicer/fancier/better than this will be just gravy.